This isn’t a sad, whining blog post, because those are going to stay where they belong… on my Xanga, circa 2003.
This is a post about some things I’ve been struggling with the past couple of weeks, personally and professionally. I wanted to write about it because it’s been on my mind, and I know for a fact that everyone and their mother experiences the same thing, once in awhile.
In the freelancing world, I’m slowly (out of necessity) learning how to take rejection. In the 26-year-old girl-world, I feel like a seasoned veteran. Whether it’s an essay that wasn’t accepted, a pitch that didn’t get a response, a friend that stopped caring, or an invitation that never came, rejection sucks. Try as I might to live my life as a “#girlboss” who loves herself unconditionally and knows what she brings to the table, rejection can leave me feeling like an insecure, weepy little girl.
A couple of years ago, I read a blog post by Mark Manson about a “law” that’s helped me change the way I view things. You might’ve heard of it– it’s called the Law of “Fuck Yes or No”. Sorry for the vulgarity, but I’ve found it to be a brilliant piece of advice.
Here’s an excerpt from the blog:
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
Mark applied this law to the dating world, but I’ve found that it works in every aspect of my life. Whether it’s been dating Jeremy, moving to California, or pursuing a freelance writing career, I’ve started doing and focusing on the things that make my heart scream with a resounding, “Fuck yes.”
On the flip side, the Law of Fuck Yes or No has been helping me so much with the rejection and subsequent insecurities I’ve been dealing with the past couple of weeks.
When I submit a piece or pitch an idea, I’m sending the things I’ve written that have made me say, “Fuck yes.” If I get a rejection, that’s OK. How can I improve myself? How can I strengthen my work? What I created wasn’t wrong, it just wasn’t a mutual “Fuck yes.” How can I get it there? Professional rejection doesn’t mean I failed, it simply creates a new challenge for me. I’m eventually going to find my stride and get everyone Fuck Yes-ing me left and right.
It’s a little bit trickier in my personal life. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve discovered that some of the relationships I’ve been saying “Fuck yes” to were not saying it back to me. Of course that stings a bit, but Mark outlines the benefit of my realization:
Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!
I don’t need to cry or question my worth. I need to chuck my insecurities out the window and realize that my circle getting smaller only means I’m surrounding myself with the ride-or-die “Fuck Yes” people: the people that I’m excited and honored to know, and the people who are excited and honored to know me.
Don’t doubt yourself. Work hard to continuously be the person that makes people want to say “Fuck yes,” but don’t waste your time begging for it. Recognize your value and surround yourself with the people who recognize it too. Simplify your life, and cut out anything that only makes you feel lukewarm. Remember, it’s either a fuck yes, or it’s a no.